Marriage is not for the faint-hearted, ask some of us. If you have been married twice or three times u definitely know what i am talking about. Even if you marry once, you see flames and then search for your empty survival kit.
Everyone can tell you a different story about marriage. We all face challenges at some point. Some of us have bad starts and then enjoy heaven in the middle. Others have heavenly starts that lead them to hell. I am one of those who had a bad start. I do not know jow many times i i ha packed my bags and became negative. I was ready to raise my kids on my own feeling crazy. I will not lie to you some say marriage suck, i say it sucks if you have not discovered the other side of love.
I know what love is, i have dated before settling. Unfortunately i settled with a different kind. The one that wants a wife and children but does not have time for family, making money to supply the family becomes a priority. He is happy loving and supplying in abundance. I am employeed myself and taking care of the home is not easy, i am exhausted half the time and my kids are -2yrs old, imagine my life as a “single parent.”
I had my fair share of complains, telling how he was not there for us. He just wanted a trophy wife; be there, take care of the kids and stay gorgeous. I then looked at love differently and accepted that i was living in the movies and he was reality. I put together my survival kit so that i could not hurt easily;
1. I opened an empty drawer for deposits. I deposit anything he does that would hurt me before i discovered who he was. He gets too busy and feels checking on me is not important. I love being checked on but it is not worth fighting about so i deposit this one in here. I value things and prioritize, anything not worth fighting about i deposit it,these are mostly things i want that are not met either because of differences in background or because he is being a man…i am now used to picking after him without talking; deposit drawer…and close it permanently…its just not worth it.
2. I withdrew myself from him. I was too attached. He was the centre for everything. I withdrew and taught myself to accept him the way he is and above that love him. He is not a cuddler, i love holding hands and cuddling…maybe its the age gap, i i not know. He loves me in a different way, accept him the way he is and teach yourself to be open minded and flexible. You cannot force him to cook dinners if he is just not the type.
3. I found a hobby to keep me busy. I enrolled at the gym for my own health and to occupy myself. I do not want to get to a point where i am lonely and keep tabs on him; it happens. I also decided to keep at my travelling game with my kids and let him be. If he is free he can join us but for now let him make money until it satisfies him.
4. I remembered my mom-duties. I remembered the joy of taking care of my kids and looking into their innocent eyes and telling them daddy loves them, he was just building am empire for all of us. They get cranky if they do not see him for days so i asked him to make time atleast to keep the bond with them and he respects that.
5. I found the Lord. Faith keeps me going. I pray for him more than i pray for myself. He is always on the road, he must be protected from harms way. I was raised in the faith and i adopted that lifestyle for myself as well.
6. I love him the way he wants to be loved. I love him my way but his way. I had demands for him to love me my way; buy me flowers, call me now and again, hook up for lunches; hold hands and cuddle. He is clearly not that type and it has taken me fighting and sweat to discover this. I love him my way and he learns to return the love, i am happy with him learning because i know he will improve with time. It all depends on exposure.
7. I discovered the girl in me. I go out a lot now for sauna, facial treats, massages and swimming. These are things woman do without the involvement of the man. The girl in me keeps clean and the husband is always on his toes and after his wife. I stay gorgeous and fresh for myself but it makes him feel good but he will not tell me.
There is actually a lot people can share on this topic. Ladies have strategies to deal with any situation if they want, that is how we are created. Man will excuse us, we love them too much so we find coping mechanisms to helps us pick up after then without opening our mouths…when staying married is hard but yet you choose to stay married